I am unreasonably happy with the default blog comment avatar I just made for my website

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Lamps in video games are using real electricity 🙀

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This is apparently a typical day in my brother’s life.

Green beans -> BFF
Raw broccoli -> we’re cool
Cooked broccoli -> you wish nothing but pain & suffering upon me and my family

If you give me vegetables, I will assume that you hate me equal to the amount that I hate that vegetable.

Just opened a jar of tartar sauce that my wife was having trouble with and I feel so empowered right now

You know, I’m a really nice guy. If I had friends, they’d tell you.

Ok ok, but hear me out
chocolate chip chicken

I petition that my daughter should be the new mascot for mastodon since posting here is called tooting and that’s basically all she ever does

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Listen here, mainstream social media sites. Your option to “show me this less often” should be “show me this never”.

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Not enough people recognize that Valentine is also the patron saint of beekeepers, so this February 14th why not send your loved ones a BOX OF BEES

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Alright that’s it, we figured out the use for foldable smartphones, they are no longer stupid
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Just a general instance with a catchy name.